Here’s how 8 women got over their insecurities in bed
One thing about sex that you and your friends probably talk about all the time is how awkward it can sometimes be. You can be totally into getting down with a partner and feel good about yourself when suddenly a mood-killing thought pops into your head. Maybe it’s something random and distracting, but often these thoughts center around wondering if we’re doing it “right,” or if we look as hot as we want to, or if our partner will think we’re insane if we ask for something we want in bed.
In the spirit of figuring this whole mess out, HelloGiggles went right to the best place for digging up personal, private, and sometimes embarrassing secrets: the internet. We asked women if they were willing to share how they got over insecurities in bed and found out that pretty much everyone worries about something when they’re having sex.
It’s hard to talk about insecurities in bed, but it’s also pretty liberating when you do. Instead of being scared to talk about body image, sexual and gender identity, or the inane worries we have about our vaginas, the best way to improve your sex life is to stop being so scared of judgement. If you’ve ever felt insecure in bed, you’re not alone.
Bronwyn, a 31-year-old copywriter from London, told HelloGiggles that she used to worry about performance before she found a regular partner who respected her needs.
“Was I good enough? Was I living up to the sex I thought I should be having? I wondered what the debrief to his friends would be after. Or a lot I wondered if after it was over, if he’d still care about me.
She added, “I’ve prioritized my own pleasure more than I ever did. I don’t fake it anymore, either. I just make sure he participates when I masturbate if I don’t get on from sex.”
Katie, 35 years old, said that watching porn helped her get over her insecurities in bed. Yes, really. She said:
“I didn’t know what most sex stuff was as a teenager. Girls I knew were having sex and giving blowjobs before I even knew what one was. But later in high school a lot of my friends were boys [and] we would watch porn (as a joke we would say, but it’s really where we learned). In porn I saw women being free to be who they were sexually and really (exaggeratedly so) going about it. In porn, it was normal for a girl to want to give or receive sex.”
M., 30 years old, told HelloGiggles that she worried about how her vagina looked. “I just worry that it doesn’t look like anyone else’s,” she says. M added that the fear subsides once she sees that her partners are into it, but it still haunts her with new partners each and every time — so she just reminds herself that everything about her is perfect, no matter what.