Coming Out Day: Why I still haven’t come out as bisexual

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Girl looking in mirror
(Picture: Ella Byworth for

So there’s no need to come out. Get it? It’s an infinite loop of not needing to come out unless I date a woman, but not being able to date a woman unless I come out.

Passing as straight feels like the easier choice.

I don’t have to deal with biphobia (there’s a lot), or judgement from my parents, or making the men I date feel uncomfortable. They shouldn’t be uncomfortable, I know, but right now I’d rather just not bring up the issue than try to break down a bunch of misconceptions with the person I’m seeing.

But like I said, there’s guilt.

I know that a massive part of breaking down biphobia and all the misconceptions that come with it is people publicly coming out and disproving all those ideas we have about bisexual people – that we’re indecisive, that we’re going through a phase, that we’re more likely to cheat, that we’re greedy.

I feel embarrassed that I won’t be a part of that movement, but, honestly, it’s easier and a lot less stressful to sit back and let more confident, secure people fight the fight on my behalf.

I’ll retweet them, sign their petitions, and join them on Pride marches, but as far as my friends, boyfriend, and family know, I’m a straight ally rather than a card-carrying member of the LGBTQ* community.

Maybe one day I’ll meet a woman, we’ll fall madly in love, and I’ll come out. But until that day comes I’ll stay in the closet. It’s warm, cosy, and filled with guilt in here.

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