Coming Out Day: Why I still haven’t come out as bisexual

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But while I’ll bash biphobia and tell everyone to watch The L Word (not because it was good, but because it’s an important part of queer culture), I still haven’t properly come out as bi.

And I don’t see myself coming out as bi at any time in the near future.

metro illustrations
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

When you’re bi, it’s pretty easy to pretend you’re straight. You know, by only ever crushing on straight girls, failing to get out in the bi and lesbian community, and happily dating dudes.

I’ve hooked up with women in bars, but I’ve never dated one.

I’ve crushed on women, but because I’m in mostly straight circles (gay and bi women, where are you hiding? Probably in specific queer-friendly spaces, but I never go there because I’m a wuss), none of those crushes have ever gone anywhere.

Let me be clear: I’m not trapped in a miserable existence longing for pussy.

Right now I’m happily dating a man. He’s not a filler, he’s not a way for me to cover up my sexuality, and I truly, deeply love him.

This might surprise you, but it is possible for a bisexual woman to be in a loving relationship with a man and still be bi. It doesn’t mean I’m lusting over other women, because when I’m invested in one person I’m not looking around at other people – whether they’re women or men (or non-binary).

I don’t feel like I’m lacking anything. I’m comfortable.

But I do feel some guilt for keeping my bisexuality quiet.

Coming Out Day: Why I still haven't come out as bisexual
(Picture: Ella Byworth for metro.co.uk)

I don’t feel the need to come out because I know that I can be content dating men, and I don’t see why people around me need to know that I fancy women unless I’m actually dating a woman. I don’t announce to everyone every time I fancy a guy, so I’m not sure why I would need to generally proclaim my attraction to women.

That is, until the day that I have a relationship with a woman, and want to introduce her to everyone I know. But I don’t see that happening.

Coming out is a bit of a catch 22.

You can’t really get into LGBTQ culture until you’re proudly out, and feel free to be seen at gay nights, on Tinder searching for women (I’ve had Tinder chats with women before, but was too scared to commit to an actual IRL date), and flirting it up with people without worrying about being ‘caught out’.

But it’s pretty difficult to randomly meet a person a woman who’s gay or bi, and that I want to date, when I’m not entirely out.

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