I’ve only officially told two people I’m bisexual.
The first was a friend of a friend, told while I was lying on bed off my face on things I shouldn’t have been off my face on.
The second was a (now ex) boyfriend, and his reaction made me never want to come out ever again.
I tried to drop it casually into conversation. He’d noticed me looking at another woman, and although I knew I could brush it off as liking her outfit or knowing her from somewhere, I decided to be honest.
‘She’s hot,’ I said. ‘I like women, too.’
The conversation went tits up from there.
He told me he needed to consider whether he could date a bisexual person, then proceeded to have a lengthy chat with his best mate over the phone about whether I was secretly a lesbian, how much he’d need to worry about me cheating, and how he wasn’t sure if I really fancied him.
Ultimately he decided to stick it out (lucky me), but we never mentioned it ever again.
When he brought up bisexuality a year later, I brushed it off as a phase to avoid another meltdown.
It wasn’t a phase.
I’ve had crushes on girls as long as I’ve thought boys in my classes were cute. I just assumed they weren’t actually crushes, and that I was just intimidated by how pretty and wonderful the girls I desperately wanted to be my friend were.
I ignored my repeat viewings of t.A.T.u’s All The Things She Said video, telling myself that it was just a brilliant song (it’s really not, and I strongly believe that video was responsible for thousands of baby queer awakenings).
I knew I had a lot of ‘girl crushes’, but I liked guys, too, so I focused on that. I couldn’t be gay, so I had to be straight. Right?
As I’ve got older and started actually getting with people, rather than having confused fantasies of kissing Hayley Williams and Frank Iero, I’ve come to understand that yeah, it’s entirely possible to be attracted to men and women.