My friend Gemma once said to me: ‘Well done on having a life so s*** you make money out of it.’
She made a funny, fair, flipping cruel and point.
Here are all the annoying things about being single
But I don’t just want to make money out of the relentless poop that happens to me. No. I want to help others too.
And I feel, by sharing my tales of woe, you won’t feel alone and your pain will be lessened.
To that end, I like to highlight the ‘crap they don’t tell you about…’ in life. And today, with help from Twitter and Facebook bods, it’s first dates.
You will be aesthetically judged (read: ‘probably dismissed’) from the second they see you
‘One of my most humiliating date experiences’, a Facebook friend tells me, ‘was when the man, I think about five minutes after I got to the coffee shop, told me he had to leave so he could walk his dog. I don’t think there was a dog.’
Oh that’s really ruff.
You’ll be a victim of the nasty ‘sweet shop’ mentality that prevails now there are soooo many dating apps and sites
A Twitter friend told me this story and it made me gasp. Ready?
My friend’s friend was messaging some bloke on some dating app for weeks. They were getting on beautifully.
They arranged to meet and she was really excited about finally seeing this man IRL. She got herself looking lovely and nervous and psyched, she waited for him outside the agreed venue.
A car pulled up in front of her, slowing down but not stopping, the window was wound down, and her delightful date shouted out: ‘You wear too much f***ing make-up!’ before he sped off.
Hopefully into a wall.
You will be stepping into (onto) a financial/sexist/equality minefield
My poor Facebook friend was burnt.