“Sex with a woman for the first time gave me the courage to reclaim penetration. For as long as I could remember, penetration actually terrified me, and given my heteronormative definition of sex, I wrongly believed I could never have ‘real sex’ because of it. And, also wrongly, I believed that as a ‘real lesbian’ I couldn’t enjoy or take part in penetration. But my first partner eased me into the feeling. And as I was eased in, it’s like the d*mn floodgates opened and I realised penetration isn’t just a dick’s power. I feel more confident and excited to experiment with strap-ons and internal vibrators, not just on my future (consenting) partners but for use by them on me too!” —Madeline*, 26
“The first time I had sex with a woman I was 15, maybe 16, and it happened totally by accident. I could definitely tell that we were attracted to each other and I was always nervous around her. We weren’t close friends, mainly because I was a blithering idiot around her, because sexual attraction does that to people, you know? I knew I was gay but wasn’t out, and I also intrinsically knew this girl was gay too. I think that’s why we were so shy around each other.
“One night we were hanging out in a big group until it was just the two of us. We crawled up into her bunk bed (at camp) and at some point, she put her arm around me. The next thing I knew we were kissing and the next thing I knew she was going down on me! I was nervous as hell once we started kissing, but after a few seconds, it felt so right, that I was totally swept up in the moment! And then I started going down on her, and even though I had never done it before, it just felt really natural. Afterward, however, we were both awkward. I mean how could we be normal around each other after we had experienced this crazy-intense sexual experience? We avoided each other. For a year.” —Zara, 31
“I’d been dreaming about having sex with women. I literally used to Google: ‘How to have sex with a woman if you are a woman.’ When the time finally came when I’d be able to have sex with a woman, I kind of chickened out. I didn’t let her go down on me and I didn’t go down on her. I had no idea what I was doing. There was a lot of hand-stuff and messy-kissing all over the place. I didn’t have an orgasm and I don’t think she did either.
“It was still radical, though, because I was this closet-case high schooler with a paralysing crush on my best friend and I had finally done something about it. After that, I started kissing more and more girls until the opportunity came again. The second time was definitely better.
Having sex with a woman for the first time (especially, I think, if you’re a young gay like I was) can be really daunting. I worried about ‘doing it right’ until I learned how to communicate with my partners.” —Brit, 25
READ MORE: 11 Things That Make You Really GREAT In Bed