Ah, Christmas. A time when you can kiss your loved-one under adornments of poisonous berries, and not be judged.
It is also a time when hearing Slade or The Pogues for the third time in a row stokes an infernal, fiery rage for some of us.
If you want to break up with someone, do it before Christmas – here’s why
For all those Grinches out there, I have some cathartic stories for you.
For, whatever your reasons for hating Christmas, these people have also suffered.
Sit down beside a roaring fire with some eggnog, wrap yourself in a tartan blanket, and let me tell you some tales of relationship break-ups that will either chill you to the spine – or give you a warm glow of schadenfreude.
That Christmas was the first I’d ever spent away from my family.
His family was doing Secret Santa so we only had to buy one present each. But I didn’t think that applied to me and Tim. So I got him a weekend in Berlin as a present. He got me nothing.
Two weeks later, when we went on the holiday, he spent the entire weekend in the hotel watching the whale trapped in the Thames, refusing to go out.
The following weekend he went to Manchester for ‘work’ and returned to let me know he was leaving me for another woman. While I was still sobbing, he asked me to advise him on what outfits he should take to impress her.
I was all dolled up and excited to meet my boyfriend at a club he was DJing at on New Year’s Eve. I left my mates at our club to go and meet him.
I got there about 1am, and ran around like an eejit trying to find him. I eventually found him but, when he saw me, his face fell.
I asked: ‘What’s wrong?’
‘I’m just not attracted to you any more,’ came the reply.
I mean, what do you say to that?
I slunk off, found a friend who gave me a massive hug and told me he was a tool, then I got absolutely obliterated.
He did me a favour ultimately, because, shortly after that, I fell in love with a guy I would be with for the next seven years.
I was living with an American girl in London but her visa was expiring so she had to go back to the States.
We decided I’d give up my job, fly out to be with her at Christmas, then we’d find an apartment and sort out the residence permit and work visa while I was there (how naive was that?).