Usually, I don’t recommend dirty talk with a theme. But hey, it’s a holiday — why not embrace it? Plus, the biggest turn-on for most folks is laughter, so it’s totally acceptable to get a little silly in bed, and maybe even drop a dad joke or two. (The dad joke is a totally under-appreciated art form.) And who knows? Maybe you’ll even impress them with both your dirty mind and your creativity. So, here are some dirty things you can only get away with saying on Valentine’s Day.
1. Is that Cupid’s arrow in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?
2. I got more sweet treats for you than a Whitman’s sampler.
3. Do you know the real meaning of Valentine’s Day? Well, I’m gonna show you tonight, over and over and over…
4. Valentine’s Day is about to become a religious holiday, because you’re gonna be screaming, “Oh God!” all night.
5. Tonight, you’re going to need a safe word, and the safe word is “be mine.”
6. Cards aren’t the only things that are going to be opening tonight.
7. I’m about to eat you like a box of Valentine’s Day chocolates.
8. If you play your cards right, 2-14 is gonna add up to 69.